bigbiggirl

ok from the tittle it self sound so pathetic right. hmm i'm in my blue condition right now but i dont know why. i thought that i'll be okay i thought that you will not frightened me out but seriously you are! after looooong time i try to hide this feeling ,  you broke my all-time-weapon in one time. i try so hard to maintain this feeling and look wow you so great! with just one time you killed my last .... ah forget it. maybe i was jelly. okay not was but am. you scared the hell out of me! i'm afraid that someday sooner or later you will say that to her and and and the worst scenario in my head turn to reality. tell you the truth i hate, what didn't kill me .... it never made me
stronger at all. deep inside i wanna ask you one question. how. could. you. do. that. please enlighten me. give me some advice so that i can stand without hesitation and got to face you if someday you back again. i literally wasn't able to do anything but answer if you need me. a part of me forced me to not to but the other keep telling me to look at you and i know i completely made a fool of my self. my mind is a mess but i know i will always have that one moment when something inside my head screams "this so wrong on so many levels". i pity my self. it boogles me at how completely stupid am I can become sometimes. wise people said that "you can close your eyes to the thing you dont want to see but you cant close your heart to the things you dont want to feel." ok true! so what am i supposed to do? pretend that everything's great, talk like everything's okay? my mind and my heart is a mess to be completely honest with you. so please i'm begging you, stay away from me cause i'm not strong enough to face you.